


Codex Entry: Letters from the Hero of Ferelden

by AFereldanMage



Series: Codex Entries [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Heartbreak, Memories, Original Character Death(s), Romance, Ultimate Sacrifice, farewell letters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 06:44:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5575168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFereldanMage/pseuds/AFereldanMage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>--A bunch of letters, found hidden in the a guest room back in Redcliffe Castle, addressed to friends and allies of the Hero of Ferelden; Solona Amell, following the Ultimate Sacrifice she made to end the Blight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Codex Entry: Letters from the Hero of Ferelden

_My dearest King,_

_I supposed it would be fitting to address you as such. After all, it was me  of course who put you on that throne, so to speak. You always told me you hated the idea of being King, but I didn’t listen as we all know, and now you’re sitting on a throne as King of Ferelden._

_You may not have wanted it, but ait is what you deserved. I guess by the time you read this I will be, well, you get the idea. And the point of this letter, I’ll get the point. I’m sorry._

_I’m sure you’re confused in some way by this notion. Well, I am a big coward, and I couldn’t face you and say it to your face. I’d cry like a baby and end up incinerating something, just not you, by the way. Truth be told, I feel like a child deprived of their favourite toy—except, well, you are no toy. Forgive me, for all my literate bravado, I’m terrible at writing letters._

_I won’t be surprised if you hate me now, especially after what happened with Morrigan that night before we set off for the final battle. Well, as I’m writing this, we will set off on the morn. But, I don’t want you to beat yourself up. I want you to know that I don’t blame you for saying no to Morrigan’s ritual. I told you it was your choice and you made it. Yes, a part of me hates that you said no, I expected, as you did I’m sure, for us to spend whatever remaining days we have, together. But no, the Maker plays such cruel tricks doesn’t he?_

_But a part of me is also glad that you said no. To think of the man I love having sex and conceiving a child with one of my closest friends, I’ll drop that subject here and now._

_You and I both knew that Riordan wouldn’t make the final blow and that if he failed, it would be I who delivered the kill. I wanted you to do that ritual, not because I was afraid of death, but because I didn’t want to see you die. We had come so far and had been through so much together. Together. That lasted long didn’t it? I knew the subject of our relationship would come up eventually, Wynne, Eamon, Teagan, Loghain and even Alim and Elissa warned me of it. I ignored them, I believed in you and I knew you wouldn’t abandon me. But I was wrong, wasn’t I… I lost you to duty._

_You promised not to break my heart and you broke that promise along with it. Why did I put you on the throne? Because I knew we couldn’t trust Anora-- I didn’t know what she would do to you if I did put her on the throne. I couldn’t risk it. And Loghain, I told you after the return to Ostagar that I wouldn’t show him mercy… yet I did. Because my heart compelled me to, because I knew mercy and I knew compassion, and even people like him deserve at least one chance of redemption. But my heart also compelled me to allow him to die, because of you. I allowed you to execute him because I couldn’t refuse you, despite the fact you were void-bent on revenge for what he did at Ostagar… and now we know that if he had lived, well, I might be standing with you now._

_Alistair, I want you to know that I harbour no ill against your actions. When you ended what we had after the Landsmeet, I was shattered. Well, that word is an understatement but you know what I mean. You broke me, and I knew then I would never regain what I’d lost, I lost you, the man I loved beyond redemption. I would have done anything for you and you knew that, and you also knew I wouldn’t fight to stay with you. You knew I’d let you go. You also knew that I knew that you wanted me to fight, to convince you to stay with me. How could I fight? I was a barren Grey Warden with no titles, and was a mage above all things. And a mage can’t be seated on a throne, any child I might have had, would have probably ended up a mage and be snatched away by the Chantry, to the void with them._

_I know our conversation in camp was a, well fiasco would be a kinder word, but I couldn’t hate you for it-- I blamed myself for your actions. If I wasn’t what I was-- perish the thought, we would never have even met._

_I do not, however, regret every moment we had shared. From our first meeting at Ostagar, to last night together in each other’s arms. I remember every kiss you placed on my lips, my face and my body. I remember our first night together; how bashful you had become, and timid you were to touch me. I’ll always remember that night, and every moment before and after, in life and in death._

_I listened to every word you spoke. Whether adorable, annoying, and those rather cheesy one-liners you always threw at me in a bid to get my attention. Yes, I knew. I hope one day, you will find what you deserve in another, after I’m gone, well by the time you read this-- I will be gone._

_I don’t want my death to weigh on you, my love. I want you to live your life before your time comes, and perhaps we shall see each other again then. Find a wife, one who, well, isn’t like Morrigan or Anora, but someone who will treat you with the respect you deserved. I remember when you told me about Eamon and Isolde, and how they treated you. Stop defending Eamon, a good man doesn’t neglect an innocent child, regardless of his birth. You’re King Maric’s son for crying out loud; you’re Cailan’s half-brother. You deserved far more than what he put you through. But then again, if you hadn’t gone through all that, you wouldn’t be the man you are today, and we would probably have never have met._

_Thus if I had been inducted into the Wardens still—well, I don’t want to think about that. I would never have gotten so far without you. Wherever I went, you were there, when I wanted and needed someone, I had you. I am forever grateful and nothing but that gratitude is all I can express for those hardships that I had endured. I left you behind in the final battle, didn’t I? I didn’t want you to watch me die, and I wanted you as far away from that monster as possible. I’m sure you found me eventually. Forgive me, I’m trying not to be morbid._

_._

_Like back with the Circle, you comforted me in Lothering when Bryant told us about the Rite of Annulment, and after the Circle was saved, I was having a complete meltdown, but you stood fast and vigilant, you comforted me in grief and shared my joy. You restored hope within me, and it was after we returned to Redcliffe, later on, when we restored Eamon back to help with the Ashes, after our talk back in my room, that I realised, I wasn’t going to end the Blight without you by my side. Look how that turned out. I’ll admit, I was sort of aware of your… growing affection over time, I had assumed it would pass, and when your jealousy was evident in the time I spent with Teagan over the few of weeks we stayed in Redcliffe, because you and Leliana caught a cold, I was having doubts._

_Then you gave me the rose, after we left for Orzammar, I knew then, I knew I loved you. When you kissed me for the first time, I knew I wouldn’t look at anyone else the same way, I had, after all, shut myself away from such affection. In the Circle, it was just game, as Anders had always said. It would give the Templars too much power, knowing that there was something you couldn’t bear to lose. And I couldn’t lose you, but I succumbed didn’t I. I gave in to my heart, I couldn’t resist you any longer._

_Do not let my life or death be a hindrance, Alistair. Move on with your life. Be as good a King as you are a man. Cherish what we had, and well, it might be selfish of me, but please don’t forget us, what we had and our time together, and I don’t want to be forgotten, not by you. The thought terrifies me and I fear I may never truly rest in peace. I left you behind in battle, didn’t I? I didn’t want you to watch me die, and I wanted you as far away from that monster as possible. I’m sure you found me eventually. Forgive me, I’m trying not to be morbid._

_Remember the promise you made to me, to help the Circle of Magi, to help Irving and the mages restore it. I would have them be given a proper chance to show they can be trusted. Give the tower to the mages. I know I have shown I could be trusted without Chantry supervision, and they deserve such a chance as well. They helped us fight the Blight for Andraste’s sake. I know it’s too much, but please, just help them._

_I loved you, I still love you and I will always love you. I just… wanted you to know that. I know you’ll do what’s right and be a fair, and just King. Because I know you, Alistair, and if I may boast, I know you better than anyone else in the forsaken world. The world, however, will never truly learn of the love between a King and his mage lover, will they? I think it better to be kept that way. Do not waste away in grief, my love. Don’t let my passing hold you back from happiness. I know, normally I would have been there to comfort you, as I did when we lost Duncan and the others, but as it is my own end, I cannot._

_And for that I am sorry._

_Also, please take care of Barkspawn, and keep our friends close, you’re never truly alone._

_Be strong, my sweet king._

_I love you._

_Yours in this age and all ages to come,_

_Solona_

**Author's Note:**

> \--a scrawled note is attached to the top of the pile:  
> "All will be respectively delivered, on the Hero's behalf, to the named persons.  
> Arl Eamon Guerrin of Redcliffe"


End file.
